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my boss is having an affair along with his assistant, and extra — Ask a Supervisor


It’s a particular “the place are you now?” season at Ask a Supervisor and I’m working updates from individuals who had their letters right here answered prior to now. Listed here are 4 updates from previous letter-writers.

1. My boss is having an affair with our assistant — and I’m pals along with his spouse

I attempted to maintain below the radar at work as a lot as attainable and continued plugging away at my job search whereas attempting to disregard no matter was occurring with Tammy and John.

The affair finally got here out. John was poorly overlaying his tracks at dwelling and my good friend/his spouse finally found out one thing was happening. They’ve now separated and are going by means of a really contentious divorce. John and Tammy are brazenly a pair now and expect a child this summer time.

My good friend was understandably devastated, however she didn’t ask me if I knew or if I suspected something. She advised our pastime group who has rallied round her with assist.

I’m joyful to report that I accepted a brand new place a number of months in the past and am now working in the same place with a unique group. The brand new firm is bigger and a lot better managed, and my new boss communicates transparently and views hiring as a course of for assembly enterprise wants reasonably than doing private favours for folks! It’s such a reduction. I have no idea anybody right here personally, and have resolved to not combine friendships and enterprise once more in future, if I can keep away from it!

2. Can my distant job make me go to the workplace at my very own expense? (#3 on the hyperlink)

Fortunately, I’ve by no means been requested to affix any in-person conferences or occasions. There have been a number of pleasant invites to make use of native coworker’s visitor rooms for informal get-togethers for our social media pages, however I’ve solely replied gratefully however noncommittally. Once they say “all arms on deck” they’re additionally very cautious to say “for everybody who lives native to the world” and “please come assist in the event you can.”

Looks like a uncooked deal for anybody who lives domestically to all the time get roped in to get the soiled work executed, however I not less than attempt to provide to do additional admin/e-mail work to assist cowl their days spent away from their common work. There are a selection of full-time distant staff members now, together with a number of which are high-up within the firm. The bigwigs fly in about 6-8 instances per 12 months, and I doubt they’re flying on their very own dime until they’ve a flight attendant within the household. So it feels understood that they gained’t require something they’re not keen to pay for or not less than accommodate.

Up to now, so good!

3. I’m anxious my coworker’s surgical procedure will set the usual for the way lengthy I could be out for my spouse’s (#4 on the hyperlink)

I requested if my coworker’s speedy restoration from the surgical procedure would influence our boss’s notion of my related depart request. Alison and commenters have been unanimous: deal with this with simple clear communication as you’ll any well being occasion, whether or not or not it’s one thing that’s frequent or that your group has expertise with. Thanks all for these responses. They helped me understand that what I used to be afraid of wasn’t getting the correct amount of time without work; it was concern of homophobia and transphobia.

What I didn’t disclose in my prior letter is that I’m a cis lady, married to a transgender lady, and the surgical procedure in query is gender-confirmation surgical procedure. It’s bizarre and onerous to say one thing like that to a supervisor at work in comparison with, say, “coronary heart surgical procedure.” More often than not, extra delicate medical points (as a result of whereas all well being info is delicate, there’s a spectrum and a few issues are extra emotionally charged than others!) like gynecology points could be glossed over with “I’ve a physician appointment” however I used to be going to want to provide some extra element and justification about this, as a result of it requires a good quantity of depart. Your response, Alison and commenters, together with a column revealed shortly after about LGBTQ office points, helped me understand that this request isn’t any huge deal.

I’m brazenly lesbian in a crimson state. My spouse is brazenly transgender in a crimson state. But 10% of her small firm is transgender. They dealt with the transition of two staff with grace and inclusivity. Clearly my very own work granted depart for my coworker to get gender affirming surgical procedure. I’ve by no means had a coworker bat an eye fixed at my having a spouse. Our (deeply non secular!) households haven’t solely stood by us, however supported and beloved us. Our insurance coverage firm has lined many transition associated bills. We have now a thriving transgender neighborhood in our metropolis. I do know that a few of that is luck, and a few of that is privilege, however a few of it’s being fearlessly open about who I’m. I all the time drop “my spouse” in job interviews to see the response and discover protected locations to work. I depend on the LGBTQ chamber of commerce and phrase of mouth in the neighborhood to get a learn on an employer. In a time when so many information tales function backlash towards the LGBTQ neighborhood I would like folks to know that there are protected areas and success tales and that it isn’t all dangerous. I would like folks to know that you just don’t must reside in concern.

Thanks to Alison and commenters whose responses helped me acknowledge what my actual fears have been. As soon as I acknowledged them, I put them to relaxation ceaselessly.

4. My coworker passes me messages “from the CEO” … that I feel are actually from her

I by no means felt comfy with the potential hassle of alerting my CEO, so I’ve stayed quiet. Apparently, I suffered a again harm that made me lay off my excessive heels, and the IMs appeared to cease round that point.

There’s nonetheless a bizarre mom-ish vibe to her texts (we’re almost the identical age), however I largely simply attempt to ignore them.

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